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  • Writer's pictureDr. Velma

VBD Love Zone: Be Intentional


We encourage you to be more intentional this year. It is a resolve or commitment rather than a resolution. A resolve says our actions have a purpose, and we plan our steps towards a specific goal.


When we examine our lives, it shows where we are intentional: in the way we build our careers, establish business relationships, and in how we build a successful business. When we are intentional, we apply the best plans with multiple forms of preparation, marketing tools, and management strategies needed to be and remain successful. We use strategic processes, such as a SWOT analysis—Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threats—to provide an accurate picture of what we do well, how to build our business or product, identify areas to improve, look at the benefits, detect the risks/threats that can harm or affect progress, assess the overall goal, or look at how we can improve what we do. We commit to achieving the business goal.


It is interesting how we are intentional or purposeful in all these areas, except in our dating, even when our dating life is just as important as our career and business. Intentional dating carries the same intent, purpose, and goal-focused determination as all the other business-related responsibilities. When a woman becomes an intentional dater, she is committing to following the principles. Like the bold decisions made in the boardroom, she is purposeful with her dating decisions, too.


An intentional dater is a woman who dates for marriage. Therefore, her first order of business is to establish if he has a marriage goal and use intentional dating questions to examine him. Next, she must determine if he is a match. If he does not have a marriage goal or has a marriage goal but is not a match, as in business, she should end the relationship.

Remember, it does not take a couple of years to discover that a business relationship is not a good fit. Because of our due diligence, weighing the advantages or disadvantages early, we can exit the relationship at this point. Each business decision goes through a thorough examination, and this examination process happens long before there is a contract. Just as a woman is intentional in business, she must apply the same principles in dating and should not delay ending a relationship that does not match her goal. Most times, this can occur after the first date.


Here is a recap and highlights of Intentional Dating:


· Date with one purpose and goal—marriage. You must commit to not allowing yourself to become a dating deli for quick meals, or a temp--staying with a guy while he continues to look for someone else when he is with you.


· Examine him. In business, we analyze and gather data to form an opinion before making a concrete decision. Apply these to dating to see if the guy you are dating meets the requirements you seek.


· Put God First. Grow your relationship with Him and include Him in your dating plan. Seek His guidance at every step. He is intentional and has purpose in everything He does.


· Love Like God Loves. We know His love is a sacrificial, forgiving us through His Son. He teaches husbands how to love their wives in their threefold assignment as prophet, priest, and king. In addition, he teaches women how they can build or tear down the house. (Ecclesiastes 4:12, Ephesians 5:25, Proverbs 14:1 KJV).


· Invite God into the process. Pray for your mate. God will not jump in without an invitation. Proverbs 3:6 (KJV), tells us to “acknowledge Him, and He will direct our path.” The word acknowledge means to invite Him in.



Dr. Velma Bagby, Award-Winning Author, Christian Dating-Relationship Coach, Minister (Th.D.)

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